‘Claustrophobia’ she heard the doctor’s voice, ‘yes, claustrophobia it is, common in young girls and women. Can be treated with love and care , a program of outdoor picnics and lots of story telling.’
‘Story telling?’ a harsh manly voice almost blurted out the words, ‘she is no kid to be told stories, uhh and I can’t share my work secrets, if that is what she wants of me. I.I don’t like this story business. Staying inside the house where everything is open, so what’s the problem? My work hours cannot be reduced nor my leave days increased, sorry. She has to make more effort’
Remi’s drowsy state hardly enabled her to make sense of what was being said. All she saw was the double door of the room, half opened, then someone passed through it, it was a shadow to her. All day long this door had to be kept shut. ‘Remember to bolt it from the inside, don’t be careless’. At this moment she hardly cared whether the door remained open or that she had to close it.
‘where am I ? it was a question to herself. Oh, I think we were having dinner when something struck my head, something came through that door, let me try to look’ She turned her head slightly ‘what’s that? The door is open and there is a long corridor all the way straight ahead, there seem to be more doors but they are not closed, I wonder if it is the same door?’ which door am I supposed to keep bolted and why? Am I a captive in prison with my two young children.?” The man who lives with us is not the same who brought us here, she was having strong doubts about him. His eyes are redder something stops me from looking at them. He doesn’t blink I have noticed and his smile too does not appear. How can I check if he is wearing a mask? This must be a dream…where am I ? If I am in a prison then I am not supposed to open and close the doors, eh?’.
But no one was listening.
‘What place is this? what great doors do I see ? door of the night faery and the elf ? is it the forbidden door of Sleeping Beauty’s castle where all the spindles were hidden ? maybe it is Ali Baba's door, no it cannot be because Ali’s door was closed and needed a password. It could be the opening of the one eyed giant Cyclop’s cave, oh no, no, that is a different story in another far away land.’’Remi you read too many stories and in every story there is a door, she said to herself and see now you have developed a disease. What was that strange word the doctor was saying? Did you hear that? No ? I think it was ..er..claustro…phobia’ I don’t know what that is neither do I want to know, I just want the door to remain open, but everyone keeps telling me to close it’
‘Remi Remi are you feeling better?’ Remi heard a voice then the same harsh loud voice said, ‘let her sleep, it’s better for her’.
Now she was alone.
Remi saw the open door again ‘it is a bit dark inside I wonder where the passage leads to? Oh that is strange, there is some light but no shadows. It seems a shadow less passage, wait, some shade is there on the floor but I wonder where the light is coming from ? why houses have so many doors is the question, then they have to be checked and closed and checked again and then opened then bolted and locked again’. Remi felt exhausted ‘I have to find an answer’ She decided to investigate. ‘Get up Remi, she said to herself, for the past year or so she had started talking to herself.
‘no more no more, my feet are heavy my spirit walks as if in snow, it is so cold, what do I hold in the deep recesses of the chamber with doors, four? Oh my poor heart I know not how much and for how many more days you will miss the love?
‘how many more doors you will face and how many more keys you will need to clean the dark mess, but wait, this passage is so clean, there is nothing on the floor, ‘no 'eat me' 'drink me' is required here, yet it is no wonderland either’, hmm what lies behind these walls?
People captives or slaves forced inside feeling heavy with the weight of sin known and unknown, and all doors are shut to drown the din of painful lament, cries of repentance woes misery despair, of ungrateful stance? clutching fainting holding on to a handful of smiles a morsel of love which may save-
Remi kept walking through the passage, neither narrow nor wide enough to be comfortable for walking. Oh ‘ a green door ‘ now that’s a discovery, it is small and I am too tall, O dear hope O mercy I have dragged myself and reached this place, please open this door, I believe it will reveal the answers and release me from my fears’
In silence the door slowly creaked open she saw a vision of a Greater Open Door a door without a shadow, engulfed in pure white light Remi just stepped through, she saw no cuts or borders, a boundless smoothness as far as the eye could see,’this is the world of peace and love, no doors over the sky or the sea, or the forest or the desert, if there is love and care no doors will dare to block your way’ This is your answer a voice seemed to say. Hearing that Remi succumbed into the soft wings of merciful flight, far below she saw the open door, ‘keep the door open to let love and peace flow in freely then close it to keep that precious treasure safe inside’ how simple was the answer how easy life could be, with a heart of love and a spirit free ….
‘I will leave my claustrophobia here in the skies’ and will try to be the holder of the keys that open all rusty closed doors and let people breathe with comfort, without fear’
The good voice spoke again, ‘a wise thought and remember that if love is pure and strong it will create a new door that lead to open gardens even in closed caskets in the grave’
A grave has no door.
She woke up to find herself in her room. Her children were soon close to her, She did not hear the loud harsh voice anymore.
1 comment:
Written as if from the recesses of the mind, Anjum. I can hear her troubled thoughts and wonder at the hinted pain behind them, glad she finds her own answer.
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